G-d is Handing you Resistance Bands: Why Life is Full of Challenges

“It is Not Good for Man to Be Alone; I Will Make Him an Ezer Kenegdo” Bereshis 2:18 

Hidden in this one verse, and specifically in the phrase “ezer kenegdo,” often translated, inaccurately, as helpmate, is another layer in our search for the deeper reason for the diminishment of the feminine. In a richly packed maamar in Torah Ohr, the Alter Rebbe draws out the theological threads found in this verse in an epic exposition of the need for a female counterpart to Adam and in truth, the reason why the feminine is the very foundation of having a world at all. 

The first premise outlined in the maamar is that Adam refers to the name of G-d, Havaya and Chava refers to the name of G-d, Elokim. A name itself is a concealment that reveals, meaning a name covers over the pure existence of a thing by limiting it, but in that process, the thing may be accessed by another. This is the function of the names of G-d– they enact a particular facet of G-d’s being. Havaya is the Tetragrammaton, the ineffable name of G-d that is etymologically rooted in the words “was,” “is,” and “will be.” This indicates its nature above time and above limitations. Havaya is a straight, unchallenged light that shines to create the world. However, this name alone actually precludes the possibility of created beings because this light nullifies any unique or particular creations to be subsumed within their source, i.e. back within this light. It is too powerful. Therefore, Hashem created Chava, the name Elokim. Elokim is a shield for this light. Through the many concealments and constrictions enacted by Elokim the creation of the world and its inhabitants are able to exist as separate beings from G-d. 

This is why Elokim is related to two other feminine terms: Malchus and the Shechinah. Malchus, which means Kingship (and related ideas of authority or rulership), is related to concealment because in order for a King to have power, his nation must be separate from him. Otherwise he has no one to rule over, just extensions of himself. The Shechina is the part of G-d that is able to be invested in the world. It is only through the constriction of G-d’s light through the name Elokim that the Shechina can be enclothed in a world without the world shattering. When you are able to integrate something into your life or psyche in a holistic way it means that it now fits into all the various parts of you. This only can happen with the idea becoming more and more relatable, more interior, more particular to your unique being. This is the power of the Shechina to dwell, i.e. integrate, into the world so G-d can really work His way into all the facets of creation in a holistic way. 

When the verse states that “it is not good for Adam to be alone” this refers to the level of “Adam” in G-d that alone cannot create a world. This is Havaya alone with no obstruction to His light and thus, no nation. Therefore, G-d makes Adam an ezer kenegdo, Elokim,  who is “a helper against him.” What the Alter Rebbe reveals is that the “kenego,” the opposition to Adam’s “alone-ness,” is the help that not only allows for the creation of the world, but it raises him up higher and brings him delight, as well as an additional light. 

The metaphor employed by the Alter Rebbe to give a readily understood visual to this complex idea is that of a mirror. The Shechina is called a mirror, because just like in a physical mirror it is the covering of thin silver over the glass– a concealment- that allows a person to look at the glass and not see forward but rather to see himself and even what is behind him. So too, the name Elokim is a thin covering over the world that reflects the light of Havaya back to its source, and then “behind” meaning above, higher past, its source. On the one hand, if there were no covering over the glass he would not be able to see himself– he would be alone. On the other hand, if the covering was very thick and dark then he would not see himself and his vision would be arrested by the concealment. It would be a total concealment. We will return in the next chapter to what this thick covering can result in in our world. 

The intention of G-d creating Elokim, creating the Shechina, is that the concealment acts as a reflection. In the words of Chassidus, this is a returning light, an ohr chozer, rather than a straight light, an ohr yashar. It is the very concealment and hiddenness caused by Elokim, the “kenegdo”, that allows for the light to reflect and bounce back higher and higher than the original source of the light– the “help”. 

All of these ideas now bring us to the mystical meaning of the term “eishes chayil ataras bayil,” the woman of valor is the crown of her husband. This idea is related to a similar concept that in the future time “the light of the moon will be like the light of the sun.” The diminishment of the feminine, which we can now also think of as a concealment, is a fundamental part of the feminine role in creation; yet as the paradigm of the sun and the moon point to, the goal is that the moon’s light return back to the fullness shared by her and the sun at the time of their creation. The ultimate revelation of G-d in the messianic period will actually come through the name Elokim. However, the idea that the moon’s light will return to be like the light of the sun sounds like a return to the status quo. What the verse, “the woman of valor is the crown of her husband” alludes to is that, on the contrary, the moon’s light will be a reflective light that continues up past its original source to a higher place. 

To integrate this idea into our own lives, we can think of the resistance developed by Elokim like the weights on a barbell that create muscle. In order to innovate something new, something not previously there, we must have resistance to the status quo– this is a concealment or diminishment– but its goal, like going to the gym, is to develop strength, to build something we could not have acquired otherwise. We often feel destroyed and weighed down by life’s challenges: a serious illness, a lack of financial security, shocking global events, or fill in the blank from your own life. As difficult as these things can be to handle, they are actually pressure pushing down on a coiled spring. When we recognize their purpose and the One behind them, then the pressure can release and we bounce up higher than before propelled by the contraction of the spring. It would be silly to go to the gym and tell your trainer that you don’t want any resistance bands, no weights on the machine, no drag on the treadmill. Then why are you at the gym? The mystical reason for the ezer kenegdo is that the whole point of the world, in fact the prerequisite for its creation, is for G-d to hand us resistance bands. He is telling us– let’s make something new together, let’s build this world, and yes, it will take some hard work, you will have to break a sweat, but then we will have something that never existed before, together. Because, the worst thing for Adam– for G-d– is to be alone.