Becoming a Vessel of Light

I woke up this morning to a blanket of white, pure snow over our Philadelphia street, the light of Chanukah budding in my home, and the horrific news of the terrorist attack in Australia. The daughter of the Rabbi killed was a student in my class last year. I felt broken. I crawled back into bed.

As I lay there spiraling for a moment, I thought of what I began to learn about the light of Chanukah over Shabbos. If there is a moment of pure darkness leading into a moment of pure light- it is now.

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“The candle is the mitzvah and the light is the Torah,” Ner Mitzvah v’Torah Ohr. What is the secret meaning of this verse in our innermost world, deep, deep within ourselves where we are alone and where we make the small choices that build our identity?

Events in the world threaten to drown us in despair. We watch in disbelief at the news. Our faith wavers, we doubt, we fear. So, what can we do? A candle is a physical thing. A mitzvah is a physical thing. It is the food we eat, the videos we watch, the words we say, the clothes we wear, even the distinct thoughts in our mind. Concrete, tangible, real. Here is the arena of our power and our influence.

We are each a body and a soul. We think spirituality happens in the soul. Yes, it does, but the body is the vessel. In the teachings of Jewish mysticism there are two dimensions of influence in our world- how what happens down here shapes what is above and how the power from above descends below. We usually can’t force G-d’s hand, perhaps in moments of deep prayer, on holy days, in the blessings of the righteous, but each of us, at every moment, has the ability to mold our material life and choices in ways that can rock the heavens.

The Zohar teaches that our mission is to turn bitterness into sweetness. True sweetness is the pleasure of being close to G-d. Have you ever felt that? Do you know what that sweetness is? In my life it has been moments of revealed miracles, at the bris of my first son, praying through tears at the Kotel, walking down the street and feeling the sun on my face as G-d’s kiss, learning a deep teaching from Chassidus, saying Shema and imagining all of my ancestors back to Sarah Imeinu by my side. Moments where the “thing-ness” of this world was brushed back and I felt there is more, there is the beyond, there is truth I can only dream of, there is love I can only imagine, there is beauty beyond sight, there is the glory of G-d in His fullness that my small vessel can only taste a drop of.

But the other 99% of my life? Sweetness is this-worldly pleasures. Pleasures that don’t lead me into that place of true reality but dull my sense to think that this world is real. It’s not really. This world is a portal to G-d, not a closed circuit. We must not get trapped inside this simulation. We must not forget there is more. This starts by reckoning with our desires and pleasure. Think of all the things you get pleasure from and start prioritizing the ones that expand your mind, that bring you inner peace, that open you to giving, to good, to glory. Brush off those bad habits, stare them straight in the face and say, “You are not real. You are blocking me from g00d. You are FAKE.”

The Zohar continues… Once you do this very powerful, difficult work of remaking your sense of pleasure into a G-d-desire and not a world-desire, then you merit the second level of influence from above to below. Your body becomes a vessel, a candle, a wick (Ner Mitzvah). Like a vacuum you pull the light of G-d down into yourself (Torah Ohr). The next stage is to flip darkness into light. This is an ephemeral, silky, illustrious work. But once you refine your vessel, it is a gift. The light of Torah will fill you.

And then…

You have arrived. You are the Chanukah candle. You are the bright shimmer of hope. You are the good this world is waiting for. You are the role model, the aspiration, the dream, the redemption.

So, brass tacks in the heat of this darkness:

1. Examine your habits, your desires, your attitudes. Where is a place that you invest yourself and the results are emptiness, anger, confusion, jealousy, or ego?
2. Replace that with something good. Calling a friend. Visiting an elderly person. Dancing with your children. Learning the parsha. Fundraising for a cause. Doing a mitzvah. Maybe it is EVEN THE SAME THING, but now you have refined your intentions and you are doing it to get closer to G-d.
3. Talk to G-d. Ask to receive the light of the Torah, the light of redemption, the light of peace, the light of hope.
4. Shine said light
5. Repeat

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I wish you and myself success in this holy work, in this messy work, but I hope it gives you one tangible thing to hold on to and to do in the face of evil. We have survived thousands of years of this evil and I, for one, am done. We are the righteous women shlepping the world into the era of peace. Each one of us. I see you. I know we can do this.

(source: Ner Chanukah Mitzvah L’Haniach M’Smoel, Torah Ohr)

in the memory of Fievel Eliezer ben Binyamin Halevi H”YD